old-skool (or -sauce)

Here's what this apt looked like originally. This is according to the Douglas Elliman listing, so take it with a grain of salt.

The Downstairs
There appears to be a frightening clown peering out from in front of the island. Notice the can lights above the island. I have no idea what that white thing in the far corner is, maybe a punching bag?

fig a. the view from the hallway

The kitchen is the same now except for how the island is cluttered with approximately one million bottles of oil & vinegar, a coffeemaker and a butcher block. A giant framed poster of OMWF hangs to the left and a print & an etching to the right.

fig b. reverse angle showing the kitchen

Notice the Stairs of Death dead ahead, pun intended. Notice how they closed the door to the downstairs bath, most likely because it's not that pretty. To the left you can see the single original hallway sconce, which is at the absurd height of 90" from the floor. Only giants could get any light from that thing, which is ironic because given the total lack of headroom on the entire 2nd floor for anyone over, say, 5'7", none could stand to live here.

fig c. view from the opposite corner, to the left of the fireplace.

Notice Try to ignore the HIDEOUS carpet. Notice how they took the pictures at, like, high noon in fricking August to disguise the fact that there are exactly ZERO sources of artifical light except from the cans above the kitchen and the aforementioned freakishly high-placed sconce. Notice the window a/c to the left which was completely illegal per co-op rules, so the seller kindly ripped it out for me, thus leaving me no air-conditioning in the downstairs whatsoever. The bookcases and the curtains stayed though, thank god.

fig d. the view from the foot of the Stairs of Death.

The Upstairs
Moving upstairs - without killing ourselves on the decidedly non-deadly staircase (and skipping the upstairs bathroom which was also not that nice IMHO) - we arrive at the bedroom. I need to lift my bed up on risers because it does NOT look anywhere near that stylin', though they left the headboard. Note old a/c unit to your left, it has been ripped out and replaced with my awesome Mitsubishi unit. I do not know what that weird black thing on top of the headboard is supposed to be. A giant piece of charcoal? Some kind of horrible modern art? It frightens me, let us speak no more of it.

fig e. the bedroom

Stepping outside the sliding glass doors from the bedroom, we are now on the terrace looking back. I put a windowbox of herbs along this wall. That roof to the right is slowly but surely falling apart (it's over my closet, not shown) and needs fixing. The fountain stayed, which I thought incredibly generous of the seller until I tried to lift it off the wall, whereupon I discovered it weighed approximately 2 tons.

fig f. from the far corner of the terrace

Then turn around and move back a few feet (it's not as big as the fisheye makes it look, though according to the floorplan, it's bigger than the bedroom) and you see the view from the terrace. The people across the way have terraces too. I would complain about the tackiness of the butterfly chairs but that would make me a humongous hypocrite because I have one too - but only on the terrace! I have real seating in the LR.

fig g. the view from the terrace

My apt is awesome, I am not seriously complaining. It's funny and probably not coincidental that it's the places they didn't show that are the ones I'm changing - the upstairs bath and the stairs. I'm also replacing that stupid sconce, but with what has not yet been decided.